There Is No "If"


The past few days have been especially hard for me.  Who am I kidding...the past few weeks...months...years even. They've been hard as I struggle with physical pain in my body.

The doctor tells me that I have a torn meniscus in each knee. This is the first time I've dealt with chronic pain like this.  It hurts when I walk.  It hurts when I rest.  It even hurts to the point of me shouting out in pain in the middle of the night.

It wasn't very long ago that I would have simply booked a surgical appointment and had them both repaired.  That's the reasonable course of action, right?

But I had an unsettled feeling in my heart from the beginning as I contemplated surgery.  Of course, I don't love the idea of surgical pain.  I don't love the idea of the financial cost.  But most of all, I felt the prompting of the Lord to "hold"... to simply wait.

So I wait.  And I suffer.  And I miss long walks with my husband.  I miss hiking through the woods and working in my yard. 

Waiting doesn't make sense to my logical brain. 

In fact, I woke one day with certainty in my heart about having surgery - I felt peaceful and excited to put the pain behind me and get back to exercising and getting fit. But based on my previous certainty to wait, I asked the Lord to confirm this new decision to move forward with surgery.  Boy, did He deliver on that request quickly!  

I opened the Word that morning to the genealogy of Jesus in the first chapter of Matthew.  I read every word at the prompting of the Holy Spirit, and my eye settled on the name "Asa".  I could not read past his name, so I dug into the story of King Asa. The punchline is found in 2 Chronicles 16:12-13:

"In the thirty-ninth year of his reign Asa became diseased in his feet.  His disease was severe, yet even in his disease he did not seek the LORD, but the physicians.  So Asa slept with his fathers having died in the forty-first year of his reign."

My jaw pretty much hit the floor!  And I was frustrated and SO mad!  I wanted the pain gone.  I wanted to seek the physicians.  And frankly, in many areas of my life, I DO seek physicians with no conflict of conscience.  I take prescription medicines.  I've had surgery.  I've been greatly blessed by healing provided by God through physicians' hands.

But the message was clear - the Lord was asking me to wait and seek Him in this.  I was super irritated.

Eventually, I decided to settle into hope.  

For a while, I was eager in the painful waiting.  I figured that God must have something better in store for me.  Why else would He ask me to wait?

And wow, the Lord has absolutely knocked my socks off the past couple years.  The Bible tells us that followers of Jesus will see signs...believers in Jesus "will cast out devils, they'll speak in new tongues, they'll take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover." (Mark 16:17-18)

I'm here to testify -- this scriptural promise still stands to this day!

I've seen it with my own eyes.  I've seen demons flee as I pray.  I've experienced speaking in new tongues.  I've laid hands on the sick, and they've recovered.  Glory to God!!

(Admittedly, I've not taken up snakes or sipped on anything deadly...not exactly seeking those things out haha!)

I've seen cancer healed.

I've seen torn ligaments in shoulders healed.

I've seen chronic and debilitating back pain vanish.

I've seen addicts instantly delivered and healed...they're not recovering, they're healed.

And most recently (and ironically)...a woman at church just walked up to me TWO DAYS ago, and she was giddy to share with me:

"Daiquiri!  I want you to know that when you prayed for my knee last month, God healed me!  He HEALED me!  He actually healed me!  I had a torn meniscus in my knee...and it's totally healed now!"

I rejoiced with her.  "Thank You, God, for healing my precious sister.  Thank You for the honor of being Your hands and feet in praying for her.  You're amazing!" 

We celebrated together, and then I said "you wanna hear a crazy coincidence? I have a torn meniscus in each of my knees.  Would you pray for me now?"

She put her hand on my shoulder and prayed for our good God to do for me just what He did for her.  Surely, this was it?  Surely this was the day of my miracle?

Apparently not.  I limped away from that encounter feeling rejected and heartbroken.

Later the very next day (yesterday), a woman asked me to pray for her.  She had terrible pain in her back.  I laid my hands on her in faith.  I believe that Jesus is who He says He is, and that He does what He says He will do.

She felt no improvement in her pain.  Her sad blue eyes pierced me as she said "I know He's a healer.  Why isn't He healing me?"

It cut me to the quick.  My heart broke with and for her because I KNOW the pain in that question.

As I stood and worshiped the Lord yesterday, tears streamed down my cheeks and wet the front of my shirt.  I felt utterly rejected and hurt.  The pain in my knees paled in comparison to the heart-sick feeling I had that maybe I wasn't loved very much after all.

I KNOW that my feelings are real, but they're not always TRUE.  

I fight to take my thoughts and feelings captive and to bend them to conform to the Truth of Jesus.

I speak "It is written..." over myself as I fight the pull of the black hole that is emotional turmoil.

Thank God for His written Word!

And even more, I thank God for the written Word's revelation of the living Word, Jesus.

So I went straight to the written Word this morning for comfort and an emotional "re-set".  I'm not going to wallow in lies for another day.  This is the day the Lord has made, and I WILL be glad!  Teach me, Lord!

The Lord led me Matthew 12:36-39 when Jesus scolded people who were insisting on a sign.  He said, "An evil and adulterous generation craves for a sign..."

My breath caught in my chest.
My heart seemed to beat louder than normal.
My ears rang in the profound silence that surrounded me.

Jesus was talking about ME in this verse!

Yes, "signs" will follow those who believe.

But I've been seeking His hand more than His heart.

Worse, I've been seeking His hand as PROOF of His heart.


Oh, Lord, I'm so sorry!

The scribes and Pharisees sought a sign...with impure intent:  

"IF You are who You say You are, then show us a sign.
Prove Yourself to us.
Do what we want when we want it."

So ugly...but haven't I been doing the same?

"IF You love me, then show me a sign.
Prove You love me by healing me.
Do what I want how and when I want it."

Yup - just as ugly.

I confessed the sin before the Lord, and I repented with all my heart.  He was faithful and just to forgive me and wash me clean (1 Jn 1:9).

All at once, I heard His familiar voice whisper lovingly:

"There is no 'if'"

I was swept under the wave of love that rolled over me.



Oh God, You love me.  You are good.

No matter my physical experience or my emotions, these two things are true every moment of every day.

I choose to believe the truth of Your love and goodness even when I don't "feel" it.  Even when there is not the "sign" of it that I desire.

"If He heals me..."

"If He gifts me..."

"If He provides for me..."

"If I see a sign..."

Oh Lord, I'm sorry that I've attached "if" to Your everlasting love and goodness.

There.  Is.  No.  "IF".

You are God and I am not.

You are loving and good and true.  Period.

Thank You for loving and forgiving me.  Thank you for teaching me. 

I will stand and worship and thank You for Your faithfulness and goodness...even if I must stand on throbbing legs to do it.

Thank You for your patience with me and my bratty ways!  Thank You that You are my Rock even when I make the mistake of setting my eyes on the wind and waves.

Thank You for Your unfailing love and faithfulness.

Words cannot express Your goodness Lord.  Please see the welling of love and awe in my heart for You, God.  Let the incense of my love and worship rise to Your throne day after day.  Night after night. Regardless of my earthly circumstance...You are holy and worthy and so very good.








The Cost of Love


 

Feeling a little sad this morning.  We decided it was time to say goodbye to our old boy Packer last night.  He was a fixture in our lives for 14+ years, and the house feels strange without him.  I missed him limping his way over to me this morning to give me a good morning hug.  He was a crazy dog...but he was so sweet and I loved him the best I could.

As I contemplate my heartache over a dog...it strikes me that God is love.  Jesus came in love.  The Holy Spirit ministers to us in love.  We are made in His image, and we are called to so thoroughly love that it's becomes a badge that enables the world to identify the followers of Jesus.

But there's a serious cost to follow that call.

It costs us to love.  It costs our very selves because love is an utterly selfless thing.  It is caring about someone else even above ourselves.  It is sacrificing and compromising and all giving...all pouring out.


Thankfully, love is designed to be a relationship - a two way street - a pouring out AND a filling up. 

We love God and He loves us infinitely MORE.

We love a spouse and they love us back.

We love and old dog and we're met with faithful tail wags, a little jump of joy when they see us, and a sweet friendly presence to be with us...even if they are a hairy mess with awful (AWFUL) breath!

It's designed to be good and beautiful - a literal reflection of the amazing heart and character of our Creator.

But still...there's a heavy cost when choosing to love in this lifetime.

Too often, love is not reciprocated.

Too often, "love" is selfish and cruel (not actually love, but a misuse of the word).

Too often, the one(s) who are meant to love us the most are wrapped up in fear and hurt and lies...the best they can do is respond harshly and selfishly instead of gently as they strive to protect their already wounded heart. All they can pour out to their partner is the fear and hurt and lies that they're ruled by...and this upside down culture of ours encourages this as "strength" or "toughness" or "independence".

And even when we do find/discover/develop a (near) perfect Godly love that removes fear...that is patient and kind...that is giving and humble...that is honoring and self-giving...that is slow to anger an forgives quickly...that is a source of joy and comfort

...even then, there is a cost.

There is the cost demanded by time itself.


We see the precious hands weaken and the wrinkles set in.  The hair grays and the walk slows.  Time marches...marches...marches...

We know where it's leading.  We tuck the dread away, and pray an earnest, "Maranatha!" 

Yet, despite the cost, I choose love.

I choose connection and tenderness.

I choose to give my heart...my whole self...away.

Yes, there is a very steep cost of love...

...and I believe it's worth it.




The Prayer of Faith


 

Are we praying the prayer of faith, or the prayer of doubt?

Too often, we pray the prayer of doubt.
The prayer of fear.
The prayer of defeat.
We pray the PROBLEM instead of the solution.
Proverbs 18:21 says "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit."
With that in mind, what does "the prayer of faith" in James 5:14-15 mean?
Instead of speaking about the problem and begging God to do what He already did and offers to us freely, let’s simply BELIEVE HIM enough to speak out what HE says about what we have going on. Faith…having confidence in who God is and what He says instead of confidence in our circumstance.
This can seem foolish or silly because we find ourselves speaking things that we can’t yet see with our eyes. But isn’t that what faith is? Yes…yes, it is. Faith is the evidence of things NOT SEEN, friends.
Even if we don’t see it yet, we’re asked to walk by faith and not sight.
So it reasons that the “prayer of faith” is the act of praying/speaking what we believe even though we cannot see it (yet!).
In fact, if we CAN see it, that’s not faith at all…that’s walking by sight and not faith!
At best, we too often pray a "double minded" prayer that sounds a lot like hedging our bet.
Check out this definition for "hedging a bet": "A hedge is a method to reduce risk and secure winnings for a specified bet. It means betting the opposite side of your original wager in order to either try to middle the game, or to reduce the downside exposure of the original wager."
We do this, right?
Original wager: "I trust you, God. You are my healer. You are my great physician. You are able to heal me. By your stripes I am healed."
The opposite of the original wager: "But God, if you don't want to heal me, that's ok. If you're not still in the healing business, that's ok. If your plan is for me to be sick and to die young, that's ok."
Here's what James 1:6-8 has to say about this kind of double-mindedness:
"But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.
Friends, we CANNOT hedge our bets! We cannot hedge our prayers. We cannot speak faith out of one side of our mouth, and doubt out of the other side!
What is the result when we do this?
I'm reminded of just how many times (a LOT), Jesus replied to someone seeking healing from Him with, "let it be done according to your faith" or "your faith has healed you"
ACCORDING TO YOUR FAITH
I'll say it as clearly as I'm able...don't let your faith be garbage that's based on what you SEE or EXPERIENCE. Speak the truth of God over your life whether you see it yet or not.
Go ALL IN
Friends, if I'm gonna go down....I'm going down swinging with all my strength.
All in on who God says he is.
All in on what God says Jesus did.
FAITH is not a whimpy Christianese term.
Faith is IT. Faith is ALL we have.
Faith is the ONLY thing that gives us access to the grace of God (Romans 5:2).
Are you with me, friends?
What are you struggling with today? What's causing you pain or fear?
I encourage you to go right NOW to the Word to see what GOD SAYS about your circumstance.
Quick circling the drain in fear and doubt...and get your feet on The Rock.
Have CONFIDENCE in Him today.
Trust what He says even if you don't "see" it yet.
Actively reject fear and shame and doubt.
QUIT. HEDGING.
He is TRUE.
He is FAITHFUL.
He is ABLE.
He is WILLING.
He is WORTHY of our lives lived all-in with Him.
ox Daiq

Inspecting the Fruit



Contemplating why yesterday afternoon was painful for me.


I felt stressed. Defeated. Frustrated. Ashamed. Fearful. Ugly. Useless.

I had a good sob-fest in my room like any rational adult woman would ;-) And I woke this morning with very puffy eyes...and the voice of the Holy Spirit whispering gently, "wanna talk about it?"

I opened my Bible to Luke chapter 14, which is an interesting series of messages that go something like:

1. Hate all else and follow me
2. Pick up your cross and follow me
3. Count the cost
4. Give up all to be my disciple

Bottom line...surrender ALL to Him.

The Holy Spirit was so tender when He said, "The reason those two areas are so painful for you is because you're insisting on carrying them and they're simply too heavy for you. It'll always hurt you to carry them. And I'll allow them to hurt you because I want you to learn to put them in my hands and to leave them there. Have you had enough yet?"

My whole mind, body, and soul screamed "YES, I've had enough!"

But agreeing isn't the final step.

Actually gathering up all the heavy stuff and RELEASING it to Him is the final step.

Oh Lord, cast that junk FAR away from me so I can't pick it back up even if I foolishly think I want to!

Today is a day to inspect the fruit in different areas of my life.

I'll rejoice and be thankful when I recognize the fruits of a surrendered life...peace and joy and contentment.

And if/when I see evidence of fear, shame, condemnation, or defeat...I'll simply recognize those areas of my life as "big ugly heavy" things that require surrender.

He's a good Father.

He doesn't require our surrender as a way to make us poor.

He asks for our surrender because He knows it's healthy for us, and He wants His beloved to be healthy.

I want what He so compassionately and lovingly offers to lavish on us... all the good stuff.

I want total freedom from all the works of the evil one.

It's what Jesus came to do.

It's why he suffered for the JOY set before Him.

Thank you Lord, and please have the fullness of what You purchased in me and my loved ones.


Is Jesus Still Healing?

Affiliate link for this book: Christ the Healer, Bosworth



Does God still want to physically heal as Jesus did?

Does God change?
Are Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and God the Father not ONE?
Do they not have the SAME will?
Did Jesus not demonstrate the will of the entire Godhead when He healed all?
Be encouraged, friends. God has not changed. God the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are ONE. One heart. One mind. One purpose. One character. One name. One will.
He is still saving, healing, and delivering RIGHT. NOW. I've seen it with my own eyes. Hallelujah!
I'm reading this book right now and it's taking SO long to get through it. Not because it's a hard read - it's very easy to read. It's taking me forever because I find myself stopping to underline half the book!
Today's big takeaway that's making me stop to chew and digest truth:
"If sickness, as some think, is the will of God for His faithful children, then it is a sin for them even to desire to be well. This says nothing of spending thousands of dollars to defeat His purpose."
"If sickness is the will of God...every physician is a lawbreaker; every trained nurse is defying the Almighty; every hospital is a house of rebellion, instead of a house of mercy. If this were true, instead of supporting hospitals, we out to do our utmost to close every one."
"If the modern theology of those who teach that God wants some of His worshipers to remain sick for His glory is true, then Jesus, during His earthy ministry, never hesitated to rob the Father of all the glory He could by healing all who came to Him. The Holy Spirit, likewise, robbed Him of all the glory He could by healing all the sick in the streets of Jerusalem. And Paul, too, robbed God of all the glory he could by healing all the sick on the island of Melita."




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